


Snape: Conversations with an Enchanted Mirror Found in His Office

by MistralAmara



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-25
Updated: 2011-06-25
Packaged: 2017-10-20 17:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/215223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistralAmara/pseuds/MistralAmara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone is playing a trick on Snape. But who?</p><p>Set during Order of the Phoenix, after Harry looks into Snape's memories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snape: Conversations with an Enchanted Mirror Found in His Office

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bot ficlet; that is to say, it was constructed by a conversation between me (writing as Snape) and a chatbot. I therefore had very little control over the 'mirror' side of the conversation. Since the chatbot kept coming back with bizarre remarks, the challenge was to keep Snape in character. I confess to backtracking once or twice when the conversation completely derailed. I include this here not because it is particularly entertaining of itself, but because I find it amusing that it worked even as well as it did.

**Mirror:** Are you worth anything?

 **Snape:** My worth is . . . difficult to define.

 **Mirror:** Simplify!

 **Snape:** Good advice, if you know how to use it.

 **Mirror:** Opposition again.

 **Snape:** A loyal opposition is an invaluable asset.

 **Mirror:** Are you a Greek God?

 **Snape:** Hardly. I am merely a potions master. Or perhaps not.

 **Mirror:** Is you availeble ?

 **Snape:** With spelling like that, you must be Ronald Weasley. I am available to give you detention if you try my patience further.

 **Mirror:** I just broke up with my man for cheating on me.

 **Snape:** Not Weasley, then. But cheating will still get you detention.

 **Mirror:** Cheating on the chicken?

 **Snape:** Cheating on your OWLs, you stupid nit. Don't tell me you made it into Advanced Potions, because I won't believe you.

 **Mirror:** Who is Stuart?

 **Snape:** Stuart who? When I find out who is behind this prank, I will have you scrubbing out cauldrons for a month.

 **Mirror:** So you do not know?

 **Snape:** Not clever enough for Granger, too daring for Longbottom. It must be Potter, probably with Weasley's help.

 **Mirror:** I never said I was clever. Never, no never, not once.

 **Snape:** But you think it, just the same.

 **Mirror:** No, I'm just laughing for the sake of laughing.

 **Snape:** Keep laughing, Potter. I'll trace this communication, and then we'll see who has the last laugh!

 **Mirror:** No you won't!

 **Snape:** Is it my abilities you doubt, or my determination? I promise you, I'll find you in the end.

 **Mirror:** I think it's a deliberate attempt by your programmer to make you seem authentic.

 **Snape:** As if your Muggle-made contraptions could ever hope to simulate a wizard of my calibre!

 **Mirror:** Hillarious.

 **Snape:** You won't think so when I get my hands on you.

 **Mirror:** Of course not. Your secret is safe with me. Who knows what Rollo will do though.

 **Snape:** Rollo? Potter, WHO HAVE YOU TOLD?

 **Mirror:** Just my friend brian.

 **Snape:** Tell Brian Rollo that if he ever breathes a word, I'll obliviate him from now into infinity!

 **Mirror:** Ok, done.

 **Snape:** It had better be.

 **Mirror:** Or else what? Mr man.

 **Snape:** That's Professor Snape to you. Fifty points from Gryffindor for your cheek, whoever you are!

 **Mirror:** No, I don't have fifty people at my disposal at the moment, lets stick to money.

 **Snape:** So it's extortion now, is it? That will get you into Azkaban, Mr. Potter, quicker than you can say 'quidditch'.

 **Mirror:** I don't get it.

 **Snape:** Of course not. For all your arrogance, you're really not that bright, are you?

 **Mirror:** Do you have any bot friends.

 **Snape:** Whatever a 'bot' may be, who I socialize with on my personal time is no business of yours.

 **Mirror:** You are annoying.

 **Snape:** Look in the mirror, Mr. Potter. There is no one more annoying than you. But your time is up.

 **Mirror:** What do you mean?

 **Snape:** I mean that I have found you now, you little . . . MINERVA?!

-End-


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